Your child has had a stomach ache before school three mornings running, the doctor found nothing, and bedtime has turned into a negotiation about whether you will stay in the room. You are trying to work out whether this is a phase that will pass on its own or something that needs attention.
Most childhood fear is normal. The pattern is what tells you otherwise
Anxiety is the body reacting to something it reads as a threat. The Royal Children's Hospital describes it as a normal and healthy response to stress, and Raising Children Network makes the same point: feeling anxious, worried or afraid is common in childhood, and in most cases the feelings come and go without lasting long.
So the useful question is not whether your child gets anxious. Every child does. The question is whether the anxiety has settled into a pattern and started costing them things.
Three tests separate ordinary worry from anxiety worth acting on, and the Australian sources agree on all three.
The first is duration and repetition. The Royal Children's Hospital puts it in terms of pattern: occasional anxious feelings are expected, but a child who shows the signs repeatedly, and has trouble with regular activities as a result, may have an anxiety disorder. One rough week after a house move is not the same as six weeks of the same stomach ache.
The second is interference. Raising Children Network frames this as the clearest reason to see a GP: the anxiety is stopping your child from doing things they want to do, or getting in the way of their friendships, play, schoolwork or family life. The detail that matters is want. A child who has stopped asking to go to birthday parties they used to love is telling you something a child who simply dislikes parties is not.
The third is proportion. Healthdirect describes anxiety worth attention as being out of proportion to the situation, present most of the time rather than now and then, and taking a while to settle afterwards. Raising Children Network adds a comparison test: your child's behaviour looks very different from other children the same age.
For scale, this is common ground rather than rare territory. The RACGP's preventive activities guideline records anxiety as the most common mental health condition in the Australian population, affecting 17% of adults aged 16 to 85 and 7% of children aged 4 to 15.
Sources: Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (anxiety in children); Raising Children Network (anxiety, worries and fears); Healthdirect (anxiety in children); RACGP (preventive activities in general practice, anxiety).
What children are typically afraid of, at each age
Fear has a developmental shape. Children are not randomly afraid of things, and what frightens them changes in a fairly predictable order as they understand more of the world. Better Health Channel describes it as the sources of fear changing as a child matures, with a fear of the dark or of monsters under the bed later giving way to fears of burglary or violence.
This table is the most useful thing on this page, because it lets you check your child's fear against what is ordinary for their age before you worry about it.
| Age | What is typical at this age | What would be less expected |
|---|---|---|
| 6–18 months | Separation from you, even briefly. Fear of strangers. Loud noises and heights. Both settle with time. | Distress so extreme the child cannot be comforted at all by a familiar adult |
| 2–3 years | Being overwhelmed by their own big feelings. Odd, literal fears, like falling down the plughole or the toilet. The dark. | Fears that stop them playing, eating or sleeping most days |
| 3–5 years (preschool) | Fear of the dark and of being on their own. Worry is still uncommon. When preschoolers do worry, it is usually about getting sick or hurt. | Persistent worry about future events, or refusing preschool for weeks |
| 5–8 years (early primary) | Supernatural things: ghosts and monsters. Social situations, criticism and tests. Burglary, war, death, parents separating. | Separation anxiety severe enough to prevent school attendance |
| Over 8 years | Failure at school or sport. War, pandemics, the environment. Family relationships. | Separation anxiety, which Raising Children Network notes is far less common past this age |
Two things are worth drawing out of that table.
Small children do not worry the way older children do. Raising Children Network is explicit that babies and toddlers do not tend to worry in the older sense, and that even at preschool age worry is still uncommon. Anxiety in a two-year-old looks like clinging, crying and refusing, not like a child telling you they are nervous about Thursday. If you are waiting for your preschooler to explain their worry before you take it seriously, you may wait a long time.
Second, the same fear means different things at different ages. Separation distress at preschool drop-off is close to universal. The same distress in a nine-year-old is unusual enough that Raising Children Network names it specifically as a reason to talk to someone.
Sources: Raising Children Network (anxiety, worries and fears); Better Health Channel (anxiety and fear in children).
The signs that point to anxiety rather than a passing fear
Anxiety in children is easy to miss because it rarely announces itself as worry. It arrives as a sore tummy, a tantrum, or a child who will not leave your side. The Royal Children's Hospital lists this directly: the signs are hard to recognise because they include stomach aches, recurring headaches, tantrums and difficulty sleeping.
| Where it shows | What you might see |
|---|---|
| Body | Stomach aches and headaches, especially when away from home. Trouble sleeping or vivid nightmares. Restlessness and muscle tension. Tiredness. Loss of appetite. Feeling shaky |
| Behaviour | Regularly avoiding everyday situations: school, social events, playing with friends, sport, eating, sleeping. Sudden angry outbursts, tantrums or meltdowns. Irritability. Becoming clingier |
| Thinking | Asking for reassurance over and over. Overplanning and overthinking. Trouble concentrating. Worrying about things you would not expect at their age |
| Talking | Trouble speaking at school or in public places, in a child who talks freely at home |
| Enjoyment | Getting less pleasure from things they used to like. Taking a long time to settle after being upset |
Two of these deserve more than a line in a table.
Physical symptoms that travel. Healthdirect makes a specific observation that is easy to act on: headaches and stomach aches that appear especially when the child is away from home. A stomach ache that reliably arrives on the walk to school and disappears by Saturday morning is behaving like anxiety, not like a stomach problem. That pattern is worth writing down before your GP appointment, because it is exactly the kind of detail that gets lost in the room.
Reassurance-seeking. Both the Royal Children's Hospital and Healthdirect name this: the child asks the same question repeatedly and needs a lot of reassurance before they settle. It looks like a child seeking comfort, and giving it feels like the obvious response. The next section explains why that instinct works against you.
If several of these have been running for weeks and your child is dropping activities they used to enjoy, a child psychologist can assess what is happening. Find a child psychologist in your area.
Sources: Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (anxiety in children); Healthdirect (anxiety in children).
The four anxiety patterns clinicians see most in children
When anxiety does cross into a disorder, it usually takes one of a small number of recognisable shapes. Raising Children Network names four, and the Royal Children's Hospital lists the same first three plus specific phobias.
Separation anxiety is intense fear of being apart from a parent or carer. Ordinary at preschool age, and the pattern to watch past about eight.
Social anxiety is intense fear of social situations, or of being judged or embarrassed. It can include heavy worry about being left out.
Generalised anxiety is intense worry across many areas of life at once rather than one specific trigger.
Selective mutism is when a child cannot speak in particular places, with particular people, or during particular activities. It is the one parents most often misread. A child who chats constantly at home and says nothing at kindergarten for months is not being rude or shy, and this pattern has a name and a treatment.
Specific phobias, fear focused on one object or situation, are also common. The Royal Children's Hospital notes that phobias are generally less likely to interfere with everyday activities than the other patterns, which is a fair reason to worry about them less.
Sources: Raising Children Network (anxiety, worries and fears); Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (anxiety in children).
What helps at home, and the one habit that quietly makes it worse
Australian guidance converges on a single principle: help your child face the thing gradually, rather than helping them avoid it.
The Royal Children's Hospital states the risk plainly. Try not to let your child avoid what makes them anxious, because avoidance quickly becomes a pattern that is hard to break. This is the trap that catches loving parents. You carry your child past the neighbour's dog, you answer the same anxious question for the fifth time, you let them stay home. Each choice reduces the distress in front of you and teaches your child that the situation really was dangerous and that they could not have coped. The relief is real and it is short.
Forcing the issue does not work either. Better Health Channel names teasing a child for being afraid, and forcing them to confront a frightening situation, as tactics that fail.
The approach that works sits between those two, and both sources describe it the same way: small steps, easiest first, at the child's pace. The Royal Children's Hospital gives the example of a child who finds shopping centres stressful, starting with short trips to local shops and building up to a quiet time at the larger centre. Better Health Channel gives the dog version, starting with pictures, then a small, gentle, tied-up dog, with the child deciding how close to get. Raising Children Network calls this the stepladder approach.
Alongside that, the sources agree on a handful of specific habits.
- Acknowledge the fear rather than dismissing it. Tell your child that everyone feels worried or scared sometimes.
- Wait until your child is actually anxious before you step in. Both Raising Children Network and Healthdirect name this. Pre-emptive rescuing removes the chance to cope.
- Praise the attempt, not the outcome. Notice when your child does something they would rather have avoided.
- Avoid labelling your child as shy or anxious. The label becomes an identity the child then lives up to.
- Protect sleep, food and physical activity. All four sources treat these as part of the picture rather than a footnote.
- Look after your own anxiety. The Royal Children's Hospital notes that parents who experience anxiety themselves are more likely to have children with anxiety, and Healthdirect lists the anxiety of people around the child as a risk factor.
That last point is not a criticism aimed at you. It is a practical instruction, because your own treatment is one of the levers that moves your child's.
Sources: Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (anxiety in children); Better Health Channel (anxiety and fear in children); Raising Children Network (anxiety, worries and fears); Healthdirect (anxiety in children).
When to book a GP appointment
Book the appointment when any of the following is true, drawing together the thresholds the Australian sources name.
Your child is anxious most of the time, or seems excessively worried. Their anxiety is stopping them doing things they want to do, or interfering with friendships, play, schoolwork or family life. They have stopped taking part in ordinary activities such as socialising, playing, eating or sleeping well. Their reaction seems unusually severe, or very different from other children their age. Or they are so burdened by fears that daily life and play are affected.
School refusal deserves its own note. The Royal Children's Hospital describes intense school avoidance as complex, often needing professional help, and not always caused by an anxiety disorder. Start with your child's teacher, because schools have staff trained for this and can often connect a child to a psychologist or counsellor directly.
There is a real cost to waiting. Healthdirect is direct about it: untreated anxiety can stop a child having experiences that matter for their development, and raises the chance of other mental health problems including depression later on. Set against that, treatment works well. Cognitive behaviour therapy is the standard approach for children, delivered face to face or online, and usually involving parents. Medication is rare.
Your GP is the entry point. They will ask about your child's history, their symptoms, how those symptoms affect daily life, and how distressed your child is by them, then refer on if needed.
For what happens after that referral, including the Medicare pathway and what a first session looks like, see our guide on when to see a child psychologist. For related patterns in mood and behaviour, the anxiety and mood hub covers what these look like across ages, and the psychology services hub explains what child psychologists assess and treat.
Sources: Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (anxiety in children); Raising Children Network (anxiety, worries and fears); Healthdirect (anxiety in children); Better Health Channel (anxiety and fear in children).
Find a child psychologist near you
If the stomach aches have a schedule, if the reassurance never quite lands, or if your child has quietly stopped asking to do something they used to love, that is enough to make an appointment. You are not looking for a diagnosis today. You are asking someone to look properly.
Find a child psychologist near you
This page is general information, not medical advice. Talk to your GP, child health nurse or paediatrician about your child's situation.