Saying no and disagreeing

This guide is about how your child says no, and how they tell you they do not agree, with words like no, not and don't.

The ideas below fit into play, jobs around the house and trips out. You can use the same ideas in any language.

When children learn this

Between 3 and 4, many children mix up words like not and don't in their sentences.
Children learn language skills at different ages.

Try this

While you play

Do a puzzle together. Hand your child a piece that does not fit.

Your child: No that one.
You: Not that one. That piece does not fit.

Around the house

On a warm day, your child pushes away the jumper you hold out.

Your child: Me no want jumper.
You: You don't want your jumper. It is not cold today.

When you go out

On a walk, a dog goes past. Ask one question about it that is a little bit wrong, then wait. If your child says yes or nothing, say the right name yourself and move on.

You: Is that a cat?
Your child: No! Dog.
You: No, it is not a cat. It is a dog.

Why it helps

When you say your child's sentence back the usual way, your child hears where words like not and don't go. Your child does not have to copy you.

When to get help

Tell the speech pathologist or your GP if your child is between 3 and 4 and does not understand simple instructions.
Tell the speech pathologist or your GP if your child is between 4 and 5 and has trouble understanding what people say.
Tell the speech pathologist or your GP if your child is 5 or older and has trouble telling a simple story or what happened, has trouble understanding what they hear or what is read to them, or has a lot of trouble following or remembering spoken instructions.

Safety and when to act

If your child stops using words or skills they had, or you have new worries, see your GP. Do not wait.
If your child is 3 or older and people who know them well understand very little of what they say, or your child is 2 or older and not putting two or more words together, see your GP or child health nurse for advice.
Hearing problems can affect talking. Ask your GP about a hearing test, especially after a lot of ear infections.
If your child stutters, contact a speech pathologist. Give your child time to finish. Do not use word lists or sound games with a child who stutters unless your speech pathologist says so.
Tell your GP if your child often coughs, chokes or gags when eating or drinking, has wet or gurgly breathing, keeps getting chest infections, or is losing weight. If food is stuck and your child cannot swallow, go to the nearest emergency department. If it is hard for them to breathe, call 000 and ask for an ambulance. If your child is choking and cannot cough or make a sound, start first aid and call 000.
Do not ask your child to say a word again and again. They may get frustrated.
You can do these ideas in any language. Learning more than one language does not cause talking problems.
These ideas do not replace a speech pathologist. Stay on the waitlist.

More help

Sources

Last checked 12 October 2026

Saying no and disagreeing